Trying to protect your child from all the bad stuff in the world may sound like a good thing; after all, parents should want to keep their kids safe. But helicopter parenting goes beyond the normal limits and can actually stunt a child’s emotional growth. While helicopter parents really do have their child’s best interest at heart, they are creating young people who have difficulty making decisions, who get easily overwhelmed and who feel entitled to whatever they want. It’s not a great lifestyle for the parents either! Recent studies show that helicopter parents are often depressed and anxious.
Now that your child is heading off to college, you may realize that you have done more than you should have for him. You may even be worried that you have set him up to fail. You may think it’s too late to change your parenting style. But it isn’t! But just because he is out of the house doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to encourage his independence. Here are some tips on how you can assist in your child’s growth into a successful adult by allowing them to take control over their current and future circumstances.
Let them vent, but just for a while. When they call home complaining about a professor, class or roommate, listen to them grumble for a while, but then let them know that they need to take action now that they have gripped about it. Encourage them to problem-solve with you so they don’t feel abandoned, but focus on being a sounding board rather than being an oracle.
Let them make the final decision. It’s great if at this age your child still asks for your advice. But there will be times when they may be using your recommendations as a way to avoid making decisions themselves. Instead of telling them what to do, ask them questions to get them critically thinking through the pros and cons of their potential actions.
Let them make their own mistakes. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children is to let them make their own mistakes. This can be really tough to watch! But allowing them to learn now in a less risky environment will prepare them for making wise decisions later in life. A failed exam is much easier to live with than most other adult problems they will face after college.
Let them live with the consequences. This is another toughie that all loving parents struggle with. But sometimes we have to let our children know that all of our actions (or non-actions) have natural consequences that we need to take into account. When my daughter was in middle school, I got in the practice of asking her, “And what did you learn from that” when a decision of hers backfired. I think it helped. Now in college she is able to seriously consider a course of action, weighing the possible benefits vs. the possible consequences, and decide what is best for her. This is one of the best things parents can do for their children.
Support them no matter how it turns out. Just because you are allowing them to grow up and make their own (sometimes questionable) choices doesn’t mean that you stop supporting them, even when they make mistakes. It’s important that they know that they always have you to be there for them, even when they do something “wrong.” It may take a while, but you and your child can find that middle ground between hovering and being totally hands-off.